Sick of Being Sick

Hi!  So. I'm sick.

I AM SO OVER BEING SICK.  Flare-ups come and go, but seem to be getting worse with age/time.  It all started last year.  Well, actually it ALL started when I was diagnosed with Crohns in 2005 at the age of 16, then had a bowel resection in 2009, THEN last year happened.  Last year was rough for many reasons, but in regard to Crohns I had the worst and WEIRDEST flare yet.  I suddenly started feeling HORRIBLE all the time.  And not just “typical” Crohns stuff—like diarrhea, fatigue, pain in the stomach…like chest pains that made me feel like I was having a heart attack (I even saw a cardiologist for a while), all-day fevers and body aches that had me in bed all day long that came about a few times a week, PAINFUL bloating and gas—especially at night, wretched ovarian pain during ovulation, more-than-usual painful menstrual cramps, skin abscesses/boils that popped up about once a month (on average) that would fill with pus and rupture, and rashes/bumpy patches on my face and legs that would appear then disappear randomly.  I was not only SO OVER IT, but scared something else was going on.  Did I have some hidden cancer somewhere???  Like it was THAT bad.  WHY DID I FEEL SO AWFUL?!  I had a GP (one of the few out of many I have seen who ACTUALLY cared...I have trust issues with doctors) tell me that she would be willing to bet it all stemmed from Crohns.  And she was right.  But I wouldn't learn that officially until a bit later.

It had been a stressful year: lots of life changes, had two toddlers (one who didn't believe in sleeping at night), and the illness nagging me in the background of it all. I wasn’t eating HORRIBLY…or so I thought.  I mean, sometimes I had fruit…or a vegetable.  But mostly my diet consisted of chicken nuggets, boxed macaroni and cheese  (organic!  So I was being fancy at least), or whatever snacks the kids had around.  I knew I needed to make some sort of drastic change, and decided to go for it where it counted: THE GUT.  I began a GAPS diet, which in simple terms means that you drink bone broth all friggin day long and sometimes you eat steamed vegetables and egg yolks.  But really though, you can click this link to find out more.  It was extreme, but I felt that was a necessary move considering how my body was acting.  I was determined.  This would be my answer! BUT...it lasted all of four days. I KNOW, I’M SO LAME.  What kind of a person has such low self-control?!  (ME)  But I didn’t just jump right back into my old ways.  I started with a little (well, for me, big) move:  cut out sugar, dairy, and gluten.  And you know what?? I started feeling significantly better.  The chest pain (turns out it was GERD) was gone, the fevers stopped happening, and the rashes were happening less frequently.  I even started having normal bowel movements!  But I was still having problems here and there, and the ovarian/menstrual pain was still pretty bad, so I decided to see a doctor.  I was SICK (no pun intended) of mainstream doctors though.  You just walk in and you can tell they are ITCHING to get you on some pharmaceutical, which always provided some relief—along with an array of nasty side effects.  But then again holistic doctors…I just don’t ENTIRELY believe in what they do.  So I found a happy medium: an integrated doctor.  Granted, they did a few “holistic” things, like a pressure point test, some kind of electrode sensor thingy, an iodine test, an alkaline test…but turns out their voodoo magic was on point!  Before I even got a chance to tell the doctor my problems (AND before bloodwork, which they eventually did a very thorough panel), the tests indicated a gut-hormone problem.  IT ALL MADE SENSE.  Then the bloodwork came back and indicated the same thing. Basically, all the problems were from my autoimmune disease, attacking other areas of my body. The doc put me on some supplements (namely L-glutamine, METHYLATED B-complex, vit D, probiotics, and digestive enzymes in addition to a methylated multi-vitamin and a few Crohns-specific “medications”) and told me to stick to an anti-inflammatory diet.  For a while, I felt better than I had in YEARS. But slowly, I veered. I had a stomach bug that messed me up (just couldn't seem to get back on track with Crohns flare after that), THEN we moved, so of course I stuffed my face with whatever I could for about a whole month. MAJOR FLARE RETURNED. I began eating SOMEWHAT healthy foods again since the move, but have not fully-committed (until recently). I have dealt with some of the acid reflux, horrible headaches, and bloating/gassiness that I did before. Additionally, I suspect I may have some kind of intestinal stricture (based on symptoms like extreme gassiness and the fact that bowel movements just haven’t been quite right, even when using an enema/natural laxative). The partial bowel obstructions (or what I believe them to be) can get scary.  I know most doctors would urge me to go to the ER when the episodes come about.  But…I don’t have time for that!  Per my husband's insistence, I have found a new GI, but am still working with the integrated doctor I was seeing before (and defer to her judgement when I feel like the GI is "bullying" me, or I don't trust her judgement).  The GI—OF COURSE—insists I get and stay on some kind of medicine, because “Crohns is a lifelong illness, and so I should be on something for the rest of my life [to manage symptoms].” But you know what?  I don’t believe that.  I believe that I have been mistreating my body, and need to treat it how someone with a digestive disease should:  BY CUTTING OUT THE CRAP! (and feeding it with healing foods instead)   

I have basically gotten to a point where I have to ask myself:  do you want to be on medication for the rest of your life, bouncing between different kinds and dealing with the nasty side effects that come along with it?  Or are you going to suck it up buttercup and do what you know you should (with diet/supplements)???

The fact is this:  neither option is easy.  This disease is not easy.  But it boils down to this:  which option do I TRULY believe in?  I SHOULD DO THAT. (*spoiler: it's the natural/wholesome food route*) Something clicked when I asked myself which option I would rather choose, and so I intend to stick to it.  It's HARRD to cut out certain things--especially initially; but once you feel the positive effects you realize it is worth it. I HAVE to do this. I HAVE to be around--and TRULY available and ALIVE—for my family and for myself.